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Bella Trout: Girl Particular

by Bella Trout

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1.
Do you know? Do you know? That I could fall in love with you? Feeling so large in the context of infinity, Feeling so small in the context of you and me. You should know, you should know, I have got my problems just like you But baby, so does everyone, Would you please share yours with me? Feeling so large in the context of infinity, Feeling so small in the context of you and me.
2.
Someone is going to give me shit, They might even try to pick a fight But I won’t waste my time when Hate is so wrong and love is so right Macho men, drunk as hell Forget that this trans girl has muscle A clear mind, and heart of gold. Bitches best try not to hustle I got a dick in this dress If that ain’t your thing it’s Ok Just be friendly, just be friendly And some other will give me their ring I’m not looking for love I’m not looking for sex I’m not looking for acceptance And I am not looking for success I found these things already But they have yet to be mine The fun is in the chase and In the end I’ll be fine See her here all dressed up n’ pretty Or see her here all dressed up n’ ugly See her here for what she is The girl that she will always be She is here and she is a live She ain’t living her life on loan En femme to day en femme tomorrow Bella Trout she lives a life all her own And don’t think she is not ready for a fight Clocking her on the street With all your fear that sounds like hate She’ll clock you back, first rate She is not looking for love She is not looking for sex She is not looking for acceptance And she is not looking for success She found these things already But they have yet to be hers She is having the most fun And has no time for dirty slurs Oh I have once found love I have had plenty of sex I have been fighting for acceptance And this song is my success
3.
Every day you put on clothes So you ought to be comfortable Every day you put on clothes So you ought to look delectable Every day you put on clothes So you better represent Exactly, who, you, are I am under the assumption that Everyone is exactly who they seem Perfect, beautiful, and comfortable I hope this is a dream My breasts (forms) were uncomfortable So I took them off But without them do I represent me? Put on a risky outfit And take it off Put on a safe outfit And go off to work The day you wear what you want Nobody cares what you wear A coffee stain on my shirt Represents a hard day at work But the fasionistas all around Don’t want to see no coffee stain twerk At peace when I sleep, wake snooze, wake, Hit the snooze It is time to greet the day But with warm sheets it is easy to lose Every day you put on clothes So you ought to be comfortable Every day you put on clothes So you ought to look delectable Every day you put on clothes So you better represent Exactly, who, you, are There is a whole world out there Just waiting to see The person you truly are Perfect, beautiful, and comfortable To be exactly who you seem To be exactly who you seem To be exactly the person you want to be
4.
Gin 02:27
This skin, flesh, bone, gray and white matter, This world, this community, the other sex to flatter What is the place of one woman Who’s ancestors have damned This mind, this sprit, this free will and choice This communication, speak up, I can’t hear your voice Autonomous but never alone, No, no human can be truly alone Work and work for something brand new Work and work for something to talk about When you finally meet face to face with that Girl or guy you like Gin ain’t good with zero lime and tonic, So pour me another, over ice Sell me a sac three times in a week And I will keep rolling those lovely little joints. And smoke, and smoke, and smoke, and do nothing Nothing that costs and money anyway, But being lazy and high gets you nothing but the clouds And being drunk as a skunk gets you the nick name flower No man or woman will ever love a flower That has its head stuck in the clouds So use your drugs And let them push your mind around And work and work and work on your special talent So you can finally talk about it When you meet face to face with the girl or guy that you like And they just might fuck you Evolution gave you a head, So you can have a headache The next fucking morning after too much cocaine The high that takes you way too high When you finally come to the ground You make a sound so loud It pisses everybody off.
5.
Drunks 02:25
Drunks talkin’ bout the point of livin’ Sayin’ everyone is takin’ instead of givin’ Tryin’ to figure out why we’re all here Maybe it will come to them after one more beer Students read about the point of life Thoughts so thick you could cut them with a knife Tryin’ to understand the words of the greek, Has made their modern minds week And there are some who say, say they got it right And now there faith has made them pick a fight People so obsessed with why we’re livin’ Have caused a lot of killin’ I’ve been trying to sleep for 9 days But I am just stuck in a fucked up phase I’m the gal the doesn’t give a fuck I live for free and I don’t believe in luck Moving through life day by day Just trying to avoid a rut My friends are always looking to rage But they never stop to smell the sage Life is fun when you give up the wheel Making your time here not such a big deal My parents think they know my correct path Which I have followed in fear of their wrath But I have seen how they’ve hurt my past Because they’ve been pushing me too damn fast Human being so beautiful and random Possibility is an infinite sum We can be anything we want to be It will take more than words to hide this from me Here I am thinking about the point of living I’ve got a long road with only a little drivin’ A path everyone is givin’ and I’m the only one takin’ Embrace your difference and we can get along Nobody is correct if everybody is wrong We can all live, Happy, Beautiful, and Long
6.
Working Hard 00:35
Working hard (Working hard!) Every day (Every day!) Working hard until the Grave (Oh, the GRAVE!) Here I am (Here I am!) Working for me (Working for me!) Here I am and this is who I chose to be There is no way (There is no way!) No one can do it (No one can do it!) There is no way to understand everything But by working hard (Working Hard!) Every day (Every day!) One can get a heck of a lot closer to it.
7.
Matter 05:53
Oh here comes that phobia again, I really can’t take this hate My bladder is about to explode Where is a safe place I can let myself go? My mother never took me shopping for bras Cuz she couldn’t believe who I was Memories of childhood can be haunting Cuz I couldn’t be who I was There is so much that I am afraid of I want to run, run away from it all But this body follows me wherever I go There is only one escape from it all Run, Run away, The Castro, Run away As Harvey Milk would say “You gotta give ‘em hope.” We all can cry and we all can laugh We all need something that’s worth living for It can be as small as a friend who makes us laugh.
8.
That’s one thing my family, Never taught me to do, To always tell the truth Even when it hurts It’s so easy to say That you love me That I never call you Which I guess is becoming true Christmas time is all about Not letting the truth out Cuz who ruin such a happy time We all might as well just lie
9.
Chemicals 03:17
Chemicals, chemicals That’s all we need, that’s all we are Chemicals, chemicals are Adams that like to party Molecules that love to fight Chemicals, Chemicals, Chemicals Rudolf the red needs his chemicals Doc oh doc let me follow the rules Give me something so I won’t feel like a fool, Or so I just won’t feel Chemicals, Chemicals React, react, react Shift, change, signal, grow. Shift, change, signal, grow Tiny, Tiny, Tiny, Tiny, Tiny Just a reaction, reoccurring action Molecules control Molecules exist We exist, hey we exist God, does she, exist? I am not so sure Drive, libido will drive All life wants to do, All life wants to do, Is, to, screw
10.
Let me, just, say. We are all the same Let me, just, say. Our genes they are all pretty much the same Let me, just, say. We are all stuck on this rock together Let me, just, ask Why are we acting like we are not all in this together
11.
There is this crawlspace that is inside of my body, I don’t even know exactly what it is hiding There is this crawlspace inside of my body And people are afraid of finding Jump into it and start digging Looking for the secrets under the dirt Hidden with hope of no return Past friends, foes, fetishes, and flirts I buried broken hearts, and I buried mended hearts My closet it over flowed, So I buried them under my temple Thought they’d be gone for good But it turns out it just ain’t that simple I buried loneliness, and I buried illness Hidden so close apart My skeletons reanimate Making noise under the floor boards Secrets self-elucidate I buried my personality, I buried my identity There is this crawlspace that’s inside of my body And I am starting to find exactly what it is hiding

about

This album was created as an attempt to understand my identity, to really understand what I am made of; beyond sugars, amino, nucleic, and fatty acids.

credits

released October 3, 2015

All songs written by Bella Trout
Produced by Bella Trout
Mixed and Mastered by Bella Trout
with assistance from Johnny Limits, DJ Biomass, and Gabe Barva.
Musicians: Bella Trout, Richard Davidson, Isaac "Boose" Vallejos.
Thank you to my friends who sang on You, Me, and Infinity.
Thank you to all my friends and family for all your support and love.

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Bella Trout Albuquerque, New Mexico

Bella Trout: Girl Particular is cute kitties, warm tea, cool breezy nights, Fuzzy teddy bears, pajamas, gentle sounds, and brute noise. She is an auditory, visual, and sensual artist.

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