Bella Trout: Girl Particular

by Bella Trout

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  • Handmade 1st Release of Bella Trout: Girl Particular
    Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Comes in a fabric pocket held closed with a safety pin.

    Contents include, but not limited to:
    1 Plain white CD
    3 Crayons (for coloring on the CD ;)
    1 full color 12 page lyric booklet bound with a ribbon. :)
    Just enough glitter sparkle.
    Sorry, kitten not included.

    Each CD is gently hugged before being shipped.

    Handmade by Bella Trout with help from her lovely friends.
    All artwork by Bella Trout.
    Please purchase to help me cover the $25,000 cost of gender confirmation surgery. :)

    Includes unlimited streaming of Bella Trout: Girl Particular via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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This album was created as an attempt to understand my identity, to really understand what I am made of; beyond sugars, amino, nucleic, and fatty acids.


released October 3, 2015

All songs written by Bella Trout
Produced by Bella Trout
Mixed and Mastered by Bella Trout
with assistance from Johnny Limits, DJ Biomass, and Gabe Barva.
Musicians: Bella Trout, Richard Davidson, Isaac "Boose" Vallejos.
Thank you to my friends who sang on You, Me, and Infinity.
Thank you to all my friends and family for all your support and love.



all rights reserved


Bella Trout Albuquerque, New Mexico

Bella Trout: Girl Particular is cute kitties, warm tea, cool breezy nights, Fuzzy teddy bears, pajamas, gentle sounds, and brute noise. She is an auditory, visual, and sensual artist.

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Track Name: You, Me, and Infinity
Do you know? Do you know?
That I could fall in love with you?

Feeling so large in the context of infinity,
Feeling so small in the context of you and me.

You should know, you should know,
I have got my problems just like you

But baby, so does everyone,
Would you please share yours with me?

Feeling so large in the context of infinity,
Feeling so small in the context of you and me.
Track Name: Girl Particular
Someone is going to give me shit,
They might even try to pick a fight
But I won’t waste my time when
Hate is so wrong and love is so right

Macho men, drunk as hell
Forget that this trans girl has muscle
A clear mind, and heart of gold.
Bitches best try not to hustle

I got a dick in this dress
If that ain’t your thing it’s Ok
Just be friendly, just be friendly
And some other will give me their ring

I’m not looking for love
I’m not looking for sex
I’m not looking for acceptance
And I am not looking for success

I found these things already
But they have yet to be mine
The fun is in the chase and
In the end I’ll be fine

See her here all dressed up n’ pretty
Or see her here all dressed up n’ ugly
See her here for what she is
The girl that she will always be

She is here and she is a live
She ain’t living her life on loan
En femme to day en femme tomorrow
Bella Trout she lives a life all her own

And don’t think she is not ready for a fight
Clocking her on the street
With all your fear that sounds like hate
She’ll clock you back, first rate

She is not looking for love
She is not looking for sex
She is not looking for acceptance
And she is not looking for success

She found these things already
But they have yet to be hers
She is having the most fun
And has no time for dirty slurs

Oh I have once found love
I have had plenty of sex
I have been fighting for acceptance
And this song is my success
Track Name: Coffee Stains
Every day you put on clothes
So you ought to be comfortable
Every day you put on clothes
So you ought to look delectable
Every day you put on clothes
So you better represent
Exactly, who, you, are

I am under the assumption that
Everyone is exactly who they seem
Perfect, beautiful, and comfortable
I hope this is a dream

My breasts (forms) were uncomfortable
So I took them off
But without them do I represent me?

Put on a risky outfit
And take it off
Put on a safe outfit
And go off to work
The day you wear what you want
Nobody cares what you wear

A coffee stain on my shirt
Represents a hard day at work
But the fasionistas all around
Don’t want to see no coffee stain twerk

At peace when I sleep, wake snooze, wake,
Hit the snooze
It is time to greet the day
But with warm sheets it is easy to lose

Every day you put on clothes
So you ought to be comfortable
Every day you put on clothes
So you ought to look delectable
Every day you put on clothes
So you better represent
Exactly, who, you, are

There is a whole world out there
Just waiting to see
The person you truly are
Perfect, beautiful, and comfortable
To be exactly who you seem
To be exactly who you seem
To be exactly the person you want to be
Track Name: Gin
This skin, flesh, bone, gray and white matter,
This world, this community, the other sex to flatter
What is the place of one woman
Who’s ancestors have damned

This mind, this sprit, this free will and choice
This communication, speak up, I can’t hear your voice
Autonomous but never alone,
No, no human can be truly alone

Work and work for something brand new
Work and work for something to talk about
When you finally meet face to face with that
Girl or guy you like

Gin ain’t good with zero lime and tonic,
So pour me another, over ice
Sell me a sac three times in a week
And I will keep rolling those lovely little joints.

And smoke, and smoke, and smoke, and do nothing
Nothing that costs and money anyway,
But being lazy and high gets you nothing but the clouds
And being drunk as a skunk gets you the nick name flower

No man or woman will ever love a flower
That has its head stuck in the clouds
So use your drugs And let them push your mind around

And work and work and work on your special talent
So you can finally talk about it
When you meet face to face with the girl or guy that you like
And they just might fuck you

Evolution gave you a head,
So you can have a headache

The next fucking morning after too much cocaine
The high that takes you way too high
When you finally come to the ground
You make a sound so loud
It pisses everybody off.
Track Name: Drunks
Drunks talkin’ bout the point of livin’
Sayin’ everyone is takin’ instead of givin’
Tryin’ to figure out why we’re all here
Maybe it will come to them after one more beer
Students read about the point of life
Thoughts so thick you could cut them with a knife
Tryin’ to understand the words of the greek,
Has made their modern minds week

And there are some who say, say they got it right
And now there faith has made them pick a fight
People so obsessed with why we’re livin’
Have caused a lot of killin’

I’ve been trying to sleep for 9 days
But I am just stuck in a fucked up phase
I’m the gal the doesn’t give a fuck
I live for free and I don’t believe in luck
Moving through life day by day
Just trying to avoid a rut

My friends are always looking to rage
But they never stop to smell the sage
Life is fun when you give up the wheel
Making your time here not such a big deal

My parents think they know my correct path
Which I have followed in fear of their wrath
But I have seen how they’ve hurt my past
Because they’ve been pushing me too damn fast

Human being so beautiful and random
Possibility is an infinite sum
We can be anything we want to be
It will take more than words to hide this from me

Here I am thinking about the point of living
I’ve got a long road with only a little drivin’
A path everyone is givin’ and I’m the only one takin’
Embrace your difference and we can get along
Nobody is correct if everybody is wrong
We can all live, Happy, Beautiful, and Long
Track Name: Working Hard
Working hard (Working hard!)
Every day (Every day!)
Working hard until the Grave (Oh, the GRAVE!)

Here I am (Here I am!)
Working for me (Working for me!)
Here I am and this is who I chose to be

There is no way (There is no way!)
No one can do it (No one can do it!)
There is no way to understand everything

But by working hard (Working Hard!)
Every day (Every day!)
One can get a heck of a lot closer to it.
Track Name: Matter
Oh here comes that phobia again,
I really can’t take this hate
My bladder is about to explode
Where is a safe place I can let myself go?

My mother never took me shopping for bras
Cuz she couldn’t believe who I was
Memories of childhood can be haunting
Cuz I couldn’t be who I was

There is so much that I am afraid of
I want to run, run away from it all
But this body follows me wherever I go
There is only one escape from it all

Run, Run away,
The Castro, Run away

As Harvey Milk would say “You gotta give ‘em hope.”
We all can cry and we all can laugh
We all need something that’s worth living for
It can be as small as a friend who makes us laugh.
Track Name: Silence is Static
That’s one thing my family,
Never taught me to do,
To always tell the truth
Even when it hurts

It’s so easy to say
That you love me
That I never call you
Which I guess is becoming true

Christmas time is all about
Not letting the truth out
Cuz who ruin such a happy time
We all might as well just lie
Track Name: Chemicals
Chemicals, chemicals
That’s all we need, that’s all we are
Chemicals, chemicals are

Adams that like to party
Molecules that love to fight
Chemicals, Chemicals, Chemicals

Rudolf the red needs his chemicals
Doc oh doc let me follow the rules
Give me something so I won’t feel like a fool,
Or so I just won’t feel

Chemicals, Chemicals
React, react, react
Shift, change, signal, grow.
Shift, change, signal, grow

Tiny, Tiny, Tiny, Tiny, Tiny
Just a reaction, reoccurring action
Molecules control
Molecules exist
We exist, hey we exist

God, does she, exist?
I am not so sure

Drive, libido will drive

All life wants to do,
All life wants to do,
Is, to, screw
Track Name: In This Together
Let me, just, say.
We are all the same
Let me, just, say.
Our genes they are all pretty much the same
Let me, just, say.
We are all stuck on this rock together
Let me, just, ask
Why are we acting like we are not all in this together
Track Name: House is Mind
There is this crawlspace that is inside of my body,
I don’t even know exactly what it is hiding
There is this crawlspace inside of my body
And people are afraid of finding

Jump into it and start digging
Looking for the secrets under the dirt
Hidden with hope of no return
Past friends, foes, fetishes, and flirts

I buried broken hearts, and I buried mended hearts

My closet it over flowed,
So I buried them under my temple
Thought they’d be gone for good
But it turns out it just ain’t that simple

I buried loneliness, and I buried illness

Hidden so close apart
My skeletons reanimate
Making noise under the floor boards
Secrets self-elucidate

I buried my personality, I buried my identity

There is this crawlspace that’s inside of my body
And I am starting to find exactly what it is hiding